People, for the most part, aren't bad. They don't usually do really bad things. Sure, this site has some not real pleasant subjects and stories. That's the kind of stuff we "know" happens, we accept it as a part of our life, we take it into consideration. It's when our control is taken away from us, someone else is calling the shots, that things become frightening on a very real and personal level. But when it gets "too close".. when the stalker has access to our e-mail, our computers, then the level of stalking becomes frightening.. what was on your computer? How much personal information do you keep there?

August '98 - Hi, I found your site, and thought it might be a good idea to share my story with you and anyone else who cares to read it. I was in an online relationship with someone for about 6 months, until it got too intense. He was planning on moving to be with me, and "rescuing" me from my husband. I finally got up the courage to tell him it was over, that I did not want any kind of involvement with him. That was when my trouble started. He sat in the chat room that we used to meet in, threatening suicide. I didn't hear much from him after that, and luckily for me, I moved to another state. Then I started receiving threatening emails from him, not too many, but enough to worry me. For a while I didn't do anything, hoping he would get it out of his system and leave me alone. I was wrong. The last straw for me was when he sent me mail a few days before Mothers day, telling me he was coming to where I live, and would have no problems finding me, he also threatened my life. Well, I had had enough. I got in contact with his local police, who had dealt with him when he made his suicide threat. I gave them a copy of his email, and they sent him mail telling him what the consequences would be if he continued. I have not heard a word from him since, though I know he is still out there online. Hopefully he has learned his lesson, but I somehow doubt it...

June '98 - I was new to chat..I chatted from work...I met this guy seemed really nice..He started out getting on line on weekends...then through the week...and when I got my home pc...He was always on line eveytime I got on...I didn't know how a buddy system worked...and was intriged..He would pm me when I got on line..so he was the only one I chatted with...He was on so much..He got to know my whole schedule...when I left work...how long it took me to get home..by me getting on line to see is he was on.....Finally I started catching on...was asking personal questions..I found out later...he had done this to other woman also....only had threatend one....

May '98 - Hi. I had a scary encounter with someone I met. I don't think I met him from a chat room, but I hope not anyway if I did. I think that chat rooms are worse than single sites, but single sites are no better because someone can still be a fraud there too. Anyway, I met this guy and he seemed nice, but as we wrote to each other more and more, he grew weirder and weirder. He started talking about his cult family and I then decided not to write him anymore because he plain scared me with his weirdness. But he *really* scared me when he e-mailed me an attachment and the attachment was a map of where I told him I lived. Please guys or gals, NEVER EVER give your address to ANYBODY at all until, I say, you have known, or at least "known" them for at least half a year! Now that was a couple of years ago, and I still see people after after meeting them on the Internet if *I* feel comfortable to do so, and always meet them in a public place, but I still rarely give ANYONE my address. Please be careful. Peace.

April '98 - I just read one of the stories on your web sight regarding stalking. I had something similiar happen to me, but didn't end up so drastic thankfully. I met a gentlemen (so I thought) on the internet, we eventually exchanged numbers. We had numerous phone conversations with each other, I felt pretty comfortable with it all. We planned a date for dinner. I did not however let him know where I lived but agreed to meet him at the resturant. We had dinner, it was ok, no fireworks, not on my part anyhow. We then parted and went on our own way. Over the next few days, I left to go out of town. When I returned there were numberous messages from him on my voicemail. The first few were ok, and I even considered calling him back just to be curtious. Then I was on the phone talking long distance when he kept beeping in on my call waiting. (I also have caller ID) Since I was talking long distance, I wasn't going to take any calls. During my call, which consisted of a 1/2 hour, he had called 12 times. When I was finished, I started listening to the messages. They were to say the least sick. Calling me names, saying that he was pissed, that a no call back would not work, he insisted on a call back, and finally the last message he did calm down and say that he would not bother me again. So far I have not heard from him again, but I did however have my number changed and unlisted just in case. He had me scared to death. Even though I knew he didnt know where I lived or even my last name, I was terrified. You can never stress enough how careful people should be when meeting people either through the net or just a personal add...I have sure learned my lesson.

Thanks for listening, and keep up the info on your page, maybe someone will learn ahead of time and not have to go through what some of us already have. Thanks again.

"Megan" - I corresponded with a man who said he was an attorney. He gave me his address, phone number and work number. After a while, he revealed more of himself that I ever need to know. He was angry and bitter towards women, and I decided I wanted to end the e-mail relationship. Well, he began an on-line stalking venture. He traced me through a relative's web site and even called my Pastor, trying to find out personal information about me. I evenutally did some investigating of him. As it turned out, he was not an attorney but worked for an attorney and was using the attorney's name, address and telephone numbers to 'impress' women. I found out who he really was using a service that takes a phone number and traces it to its owner. Also, I called the American Bar Association and the lawyer's office. Instead of being 'Shawn,' the attorney, he was 'Joe,' an employee. I emailed him with what I had learned. He finally stopped harrassing me, at least under that screen name or handle. I suppose only the fear of losing his job stopped him. I would not be surprised if he doesn't try to contact me under another name, and I do consider him a dangerous person because of threats he made. I have reported him to Smart Date, a dating registration service. If any foul play ever happens to me, he will be the first person on the list for the police to seek.

November '98 - I was looking around on the net today, and I had stumbled upon your site by accident. I had been assigned to write an article on stalking, and I was looking for a few good resources. Other then my own personal experience. I'm just writing this to share my experience with others, hoping that I can maybe help.

While I was in college, I was introduced to the whole internet. At first, I didn't much care for it, but as I learned the school email system, I learned more about computers. Enough to program them, in fact, which is what I do in spare time now. Anyways, back in college, we had the VAX system. It's similar to other systems in the fact that you can see who all is on your system at any given time. Soon enough, the "phone" system started to intrigue me. That is where you pick a name and you can chat real time with anyone in the system. Outside it too, if they have a system that they can telnet on. This one guy in the system started to "call" me over it, and me, being naive at the time, was flattered that he did. We started to talk by way of this "phone." Also at this time I was using telnet programs and talkers to chat with people. He had a program in the VAX system that let him find me on any talker I was at. I was flattered by the attention. One night, we were up late talking online, and he said to let him call me. I thought nothing of it, seeing that he did live in the dorm next door to mine. See, though we lived on the same campus, we had never met face to face. After agreeing to let him call me, we talked for a good 45 minutes. He seemed sweet to me, and he asked me out for coffee that night. By this time it was about 2 in the morning, but I was planning on being up all night anyways, because I had some studying to do. Well, that night we met. We seemed to hit it off. I didn't find him particularly attrative, but he was nice and sweet, so I was willing to give it a chance when he asked me out again. We dated for a few weeks, no more then a month, when I decided that it just wasn't going to work anymore. We had a conflict of interests in everything, and we were fighting alot. And his temper scared me. Besides, we were just dating, and I was dating a few other people at the time also. After breaking it off with him in person, in the lounge of my dorm, I went back upstairs to talk with my roommate. A few minutes later, he called, begging me to take him back. After trying to let him down nice for some time, things turned into a shouting match on the phone. I told him then what I thought of him, and where he could go, in no kind terms. I then hung up on him. The phone rang again, and I knew it was him. So my roommate and I decided to go over to the computer lab in our dorm to talk to two other of out friends, and get away from the phone. Of course, I had to get on to check my email. There were two from him. Both begged to know what he did to make me upset with him.

I started to get a little upset. So I went to this certain talker that I used alot. He found me there, and and started talking to me. I was trying to be patient with him, and he asked me to go for a walk with him at one in the morning. In the cemetary at that. There was a cemetary behind the school. I told him no, because it was both very cold, and I didn't want to see him at all. Another guy I was seeing also used this talker, because it was cheaper for us to tlak online then on the phone, becasue we were long distance. The one guy started to tell off the guy that I was still seeing, so that one that I was seeing said he would just call me. We were on the phone from about 12-2 am. In that time, the phone beeped about 30 times. And I just knew who it was everytime. After I got off the phone, I went back over to the lab to talk to my friends there. I checked my email, and there were seven frmo him, ranging from "please take me back" to "I hate you" to "I love you" to "I'll kill myself if you won't have me." I wasn't scared at this time, just really, really angry. So my three friends and I decided we needed a break, let go watch TV. I forgot to mention that in the emails, he said that he stood outside of the dorm for an hour waiting for me to come out. I should mention that it was about 25F degrees at the time. So in order to go downstairs (you can see the stairs to go downstairs from outside) we had to sneak down. Which made me all the more angry for having to sneak around my own dorm. We sat down there for about an hour, and talked and laughed, which got me in a better mood. We then decided to go back up to the lab, and just stay online. I had to write a paper anyways, so that was fine with me. And I also said that I wasn't going to let some idiot keep me offline. In that hour, I got about 13 emails. All saying the same things. Some were 7 pages long of nothing but I love you, and some were the same length saying I hate you, I'm going to kill myself. This made me angier, and I finally wrote him one back, replying if that is what he intended to do, then he would have already, and not have told me about it. Then I got offline to write a paper.

When I got back on at 6:30 am, after a shower, and finishing my paper, he had flooded my email system, and if I didn't get rid of some stuff, it would automatically delete all that I had. So I deleted all of his, not bothering to read any of them. I then went to this one talker to talk to one of my friends, that also happened to be a police officer. I told him what was going on, and in this time, he aske me to email him anything that I had. I didn't have anything, but I promised that the next things I got from him, I would. Well, what do you know, he called on the computer phone. I cut and pasted this whole conversation and sent it to my friend.

The conversation was nothing more then a longer, angrier and more insitant, on both our parts, play of the night I just had. He sent a few more emails, and after forwarding those, I got offline to go to class. I then came back, and he called. After a heated conversation, I hung up on him, and went to sleep. I had shut the ringer off for an hour in order to be able to fall asleep. I know that the phone rang for on campus calls a few times, but I was in a sleepy fog. Then it rang for an outside call. Thinking that it was my parents, I answered it. It turns out that it was my police friend, calling to say that he just sent the police to the campus, because this guy had threated my life in such a way that made it sound serious. He said that if he couldn't have me, no one would, that he would make me love him, and so on. I still don't know what all was said online to my friend. (All this threatening was done in a talker room full of people). No one will tell me even to this day what was said. After the cops came, and a restraing order was served, I wouldn't go anywhere by myself for a long time. The emails continued. I mailed the server that copies, and he lost all his privlages. They still continued however, becasue he had other sites he could mail from. The emails tapered down, and any calls he made to me stopped. I thought that I was safe again, finally. Then he came to the dorm, and called the room. My roomate went down instead of me. She wouldn't let me go. He was standing there crying, with roses, begging her to let him see me. She refused. He kept crying, saying that he loves me, and he knows that I love him, didn't he go through enough already, coulnd't I see that he passed my test and was worthy of my love? She told him off, and brought whatever he brought up to me. I looked at the flowers and threw them in the garbage, and tore up the letter he wrote to me, not bothering to read it.

Visits from him to my dorm were put to an end by the monitors of the dorm. Calls trickled to a stop. I still get occasional email from him, telling me that he loves me, why am I still doing this, when am I finally going to let everyone know that I love him. I choose to ignore those emails, rather then get upset over them. All this happened two years ago. Since then, I've stopped dating around, and have a steady boyfriend of a year. He get upset over the mail now, but I don't let him know about most of it. I just wanted to write this to let people know what can happen to them, even if they are careful. And if you have any advice/comments about this, they would be greatly appriciated. Thank you for your time.