When it comes to motivation, many gurus would say things such as, “Write down your goals and put them somewhere you can see every single day. That’s how to stay motivated!” I don’t disagree with them; nonetheless, now I would like to offer a new approach to staying motivated throughout your online dating journey effortlessly.
- It all starts from your identity statement.
A corporation has its mission statement or vision statement; as a result, its managers and employees are able to follow that statement and then demonstrate the right behavior accordingly.
Likewise, a person can have an identity statement as well. An identity statement clearly states who this individual is and directly informs this individual’s thoughts, behavior and emotions.
In other words, your identity statement represents who you really are.
So, before you start to look for various way to stay motivated, I’d like you to think about who you want to be, and then become that person!
Take Donna as an example. Donna has had depression and anxiety for a very long time and was seeing a psychologist for several years. In truth, psychology can simply treat the symptoms of depression and anxiety, which is incredibly valuable and totally necessary. However, psychology can’t cure the root cause of depression and anxiety. Interestingly, art, literature and religion can cure the root cause of depression and anxiety, though things like art, literature and religion don’t really seem to be particularly useful in a modern-day society where making lots of money is a priority. Luckily, Donna realized that seeing a psychologist is far from enough; therefore, she started to spend a large amount of time reading novels, enjoying music and studying Japanese Zen. Most importantly, she wrote down her identity statement: “I’m an artistic, creative and intelligent woman. When challenging situations arise, I’m calm as I maintain my unfazeable stillness.” Now Donna has become a changed woman.
Yes, you can change your identity by having a new identity. You can even have an alter ego. Your identity is of vital importance because:
A). It takes the thinking out of life. You just write down your identity statement and memorize it. Keep reminding yourself that from now on, this is who you really are.
B). Once your identity is fully established, it’s not something that is very hard as it doesn’t really require motivation – it just is (it involves BE-ing).
In fact, your identity is fundamental to everything, for it drives your thoughts, feelings and behavior. Usually, a person’s identity is dismissed or unexplored, as most people tend to look for the quick fix, e.g., cut out sugar, run 10km, practice violin for 1 hour a day, etc.
If you get your identity statement sorted, I’m sure everything else will fall into place naturally.
- The “BE – DO – HAVE” mentality:
In order to have motivation, the first step is to create a way of BE-ing that totally aligns with your key values. That is to say, you would be well-advised to create an identity statement that aligns with what’s important to you.
The second step is to do what you need to do in order to be the person that you want to be – this new way of BE-ing propels into action.
Step 3 is to have what you want, i.e., the results of your new actions bring you to the life you want!
Note that your values and beliefs are completely underpinned by your identity. Hence, before finding out your why, you have to find out who you are!
- The human onion analogy:
What’s on the outside is actually the reflection of what’s happening inside. Thus, before changing the outside, you must change the inside. This is true in every area of your life, including online dating.
We should look at who we need to BE first.
Who do you need to be? Now it’s time to identify 3 identity qualities that you need when you work out the answer to this question:“Who do I need to be, to do what I need to do, to get what I want to have?”
“When you see yourself as a dater and take action according to your new identity, you will succeed in online dating.”