According to Cambridge Dictionary, singlism means discrimination against single people. This term was coined by Dr Bella DePaulo, a well-known social psychologist. If you are a single man looking for a relationship, this article will help you cope with singlism effectively. I hope you like my dating advice for men here.
- Who is more attractive, a single man or a married man?
“I think the married guy is probably more attractive,” says Ash, “Because someone has chosen him for a reason.”
Research shows that married people get better treatment everywhere, whereas single people suffer from some stigma. This is sad but true. In fact, it’s something that people don’t talk about; nevertheless, it does exist in our society.
I’m not sure whether you’ve had similar experiences or not, but personally, when I was in a relationship, many other people found me more attractive – I knew it based on the way they were talking to me. However, when I was single, a lot of people wanted to know what went wrong and told me that the most urgent task for me was to find someone and start a relationship (a colleague literally told me to have some plastic surgery so I could look more attractive and attract someone). What’s more, because I was single and my colleagues were married, the manager gave me more work to do: “They are married and have a family life, but you are single, so you have more time to focus on this project.” That was obviously a typical result of singlism.
Because this blog is all about dating advice for men, I’ll explain how you can navigate this journey better as a single guy looking for a relationship.
- How to thrive as a single guy:
Although I experienced singlism first-hand, I don’t have any resentment. Please let me explain.
Actually, I’m the most interesting person I know. This might sound harsh, but honestly, those who gave me the stigma are probably the most boring people I’ve ever met. In fact, Dr Peter McGraw (a behavioral economist) has launched a podcast called Solo: The single person’s guide to a remarkable life. Your life can be remarkable if you are a single guy.
Sometimes, singlism can happen at home – maybe even your parents told you that something is wrong with you because you are single. But what they say is their task, whereas who you really are is your task. Separation of tasks is very powerful and necessary.
If you are looking for love right now, you would be well-advised to have some female friends because that’s social proof. When other women see that you have female friends, they start to think… “These women want to spend time with him for a reason.”
Also, having more female friends helps you understand women better. A good understanding of female psychology is the foundation of a successful love life.
“Here is the summary of today’s dating advice for men: Just do your own thing. Who do you want to be? Become that person! Write down your identity statement and focus on your values. If you are single, you can start from having more female friends – this transformation will hone your social skills, thereby improving your love life.”
