Finding a Ukrainian woman isn’t hard. Making her yours is much harder. But fortunately, there are many ways to start an official relationship!

  • A letter to a western guy looking for love:

Last night I received a letter from an American guy who is looking for dating advice. He has been talking to aUkrainian womanon the Internet for quite a while, but she is hot and cold. He feels totally confused. Here is my response to his query.

Hi Jack,

I’d like to give you some insights into this situation and an action plan.

There are three typical reasons why Ukrainian women disappear (we are talking about normal women): 1. Women didn’t feel appreciated when they were with you (they didn’t feel that they could make you happy – women need this kind of validation, i.e. being able to make their men happy).  2. You invested a lot in them (women didn’t prove themselves first).  3. Women don’t see you as an attractive man, so there is no chemistry.  In your case, I think probably you invested a lot in her first, because you mentioned that the interaction was positive and intimate (which means Reason No. 1 and Reason No. 3 wouldn’t apply to you).  But if you did everything right, then that probably means she is not a normal single woman (there might be some other factors in the dynamics).

If a woman disappears and then comes back again all of a sudden, sometimes that’s because she thinks it is okay to do so, i.e. she disappeared before, and when she returned, you gave her the same attention.

There is a difference between liking a person and respecting a person.  If she disappears and comes back, and you are completely okay with it, then she doesn’t respect you anymore, although she still likes you.

Women need to earn your investment in them.  A woman needs to feel that every step of the way, she is earning the investment/attention you give her.  That’s how she feels rewarded.

Also, a woman likes a guy who doesn’t need her approval and just does his own thing (i.e. you have an amazing life with or without a girlfriend).

An action plan for you:

  1. Establish some standards such as “I only give so much attention to a woman if she hasn’t earned the priority in my life, so my work, my family, my friends and my hobbies are still more important than this woman” & “I only invest in a lady based on how much she invests in me, rather than how much I like her.” If a lady from Ukrainehas invested in you and has earned the priority in your life, you can rearrange things in your life and give her more attention.  If she becomes cold, you re-prioritize things in your life and make other areas of your life more important than her. (This doesn’t mean you should treat her in a cold or negative way.  In fact, when she comes back, you should still be amazing and charming, but you just don’t be that available anymore.)  Then she will see that in order to make you give her more time, she has to invest in you more.  In other words, don’t tell her about your standards; show her!
  2. In order to find quality, quantity actually matters. I understand that you want to find a really good Ukrainian wife, but before finding that great woman, you need to meet a large number of candidates in the first place.  An analogy: when you want to buy a suit, you often go to different shops and try on different suits, and then finally, you find the perfect suit after spending a whole afternoon in shopping malls and stores.  Usually, you wouldn’t find the perfect suit in the first shop.
  3. You can start to look for other ways to meet women, apart from using international dating sites. A good idea is to organize a weekly Happy Hour (e.g. every Thursday night at 6pm, you have a Happy Hour).  You can invite your friends first, and then next week, you tell your friends to bring their friends.  Later on, you tell their friends to bring other friends.  Gradually, you will meet more and more new women who may or may not become your romantic partners.  But it’s okay to have more female friends (they may introduce a fantastic job to you; they may know a girl that is your perfect match).  Each time you meet a new woman somewhere else, you invite her to this Happy Hour, which means you always have something going on so that you can guarantee that you will see this new female friend again (because you invite her to your Happy Hour, she has a reason to see you again).
  4. A general principal to remember: Invest and test. – This applies to situations in which you like a Ukrainian ladyvery much in the first place. Although previously I said you shouldn’t invest in a woman without seeing her investment in you first, if you really like a woman very much, actually you can invest a bit in her and see her reaction first.  If she appreciates your investment in her and starts to invest in you a lot more, then you just give her the opportunity to earn your time and attention later on.  If she doesn’t reciprocate, you know she is not the right candidate for you.

Yours Sincerely,

Dating Consultant at

  • How to make a Ukrainian womanfall in love with you:

Each time you go out for a date with a Ukrainian woman, remember this golden rule: obvious questions don’t necessarily require obvious answers.

Let me show you some examples:

Example 1:

HER: “What have you been up to?”

YOU: “Actually, I just addressed an issue today, so I feel amazing now.”

(Now she will want to know what issue you have just addressed.)

Example 2:

HER: “Where are you from?”

YOU: “Although I was born in America, I always feel like an Asian soul trapped in a Caucasian body.”

(Now she will want to know why you think you have an Asian soul. By the way, this can be a joke. Don’t take yourself too seriously.)

Example 3:

HER: “What do you do?”

YOU: “From 9 to 5, I’m an engineer. From 5 to 9, I’m a writer.”

(Now she will want to know what do you write from 5pm to 9pm. How exciting is that?!)

As she is falling in love with your personality, she is also falling in love with you.

  • Increase your perceived challenge.

Once the Ukrainian ladyis in love with you, you also need to know how to keep her. So, here are some tips regarding how to increase your perceived challenge so that she will want to be with you forever:

  1. Don’t always be available. Occasionally, you should be busy with something else, so you can’t see her immediately.
  2. Let your Ukrainian girlfriend know that you are going out with your male friends this Friday night. Just say, “We are supposed to have a boys’ night out this weekend.” And don’t take her with you to the event. Just go out with your male friends.
  3. Have a hobby that only you enjoy. She doesn’t have to participate in it.

“There is a difference between challenge and perceived challenge.”