Now you are going out for the very first date and you are nervous – that’s understandable and totally normal! I’d like to help you identify these fears and get over them today, so that you’ll date safely.

  • You are worried that you don’t look perfect.

The truth: You can never look perfect; you can only try your best to look good.  I had a female client who spent three hours preparing for a date – choosing the right outfit, working on her hair and makeup, etc.  In fact, men don’t know whether you have used lipstick or lip gloss!  Therefore, as long as you are happy with what you see in the mirror, it’s all done!  Also, if you are a man, you’ll be fine as long as you look clean and decent because women don’t really care about your looks that much!

  • You are thinking about what to say.

The truth: In fact, you don’t need to do the rehearsal in your head, because you want to sound natural!  Ironically, the more relaxed you are, the more likeable you become.  All you need to prepare is something interesting to talk about rather than a script.  Most importantly, you should prepare for having fun!  Being playful will make you attractive on the 1st date.

  • If you’ve decided that you like that person, now you are wondering whether he/she likes you.

The truth:  You would be well-advised to understand what’s in your control and what’s out of your control.  Trying your best to be presentable and sound interesting is something in your control; however, whether he/she is going to like you or not is out of your control.  Do what you can, and make peace with the rest.

A bonus tip: make sure your first date is not too long – this is because a short first date (about 30 minutes) fuels the anticipation and desire, which makes it more likely for both of you to schedule a second date!

date safely

  • If you just left a relationship, it’s time to put yourself out there to date safely and find love again.

Maybe you have left a relationship and now you’re wondering whether you should start dating again.  No matter how you feel, I encourage you to start dating now – here is why:

  1. Feel the pain, and do it anyway.

Ending a relationship isn’t the easiest thing in the world, so probably you are in pain – and that’s normal.  In fact, that is ten times better than being numb.  Think about an injured athlete: if an athlete is injured, do they completely stop training?  No.  Actually, once their injury has recovered to some degree, the start to do training again slowly.  Therefore, you should also acknowledge the pain, and start dating again.

2. Your previous relationships are not completely negative.

Personally, I think every previous relationship of mine was a success, because each relationship taught me something very meaningful and those experiences made me who I am today.  Without my past, I probably wouldn’t be here writing this article for you.  Therefore, your previous relationships have become the soil which nurtures this beautiful flower (your life) now!  The learning from your past makes your future relationship much better, so you have a more profound understanding of love from now on.

3. Making an effort VS making an intelligent effort.

Instead of going to random parties (making an effort), you can go to do some activities that you actually enjoy, because your hobbies are your values. It’s important to find someone who shares the same core values with you (making an intelligent effort) – that makes your relationship sustainable in the long run.  If both of you enjoy reading (your value is knowledge), you are very likely to meet each other at a book club.

“In order to date safely, you need to make informed decisions.”