Research shows that cheating is the primary reason for divorce in many countries. Therefore, if your heart is broken because of an affair that happened in the past, you aren’t alone. A large number of men are looking for affair recovery support these days. So, today’s dating safety advice is about how to protect yourself by healing properly so that you will believe in love again.
- If you’re married and your wife cheated on you…
If your wife cheated on you, the pain is intense as this is not the easiest situation in the world. You’re wondering which options you currently have. Before making a decision, please use your logical reasoning to look at the situation. Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to rule your reality.
Take out a pen and write down honest answers to these 3 questions:
- Is the emotional connection with your wife still there?
- Are there any mutual benefits in this marriage? (This can be children or a business/company owned by you and your wife.)
- Are you genuinely satisfied with the intimacy in this marriage?
For example, Jason is a betrayed husband looking for affair recovery support & his answers are:
- Since both my wife and I had terrible childhood experiences that made us unable to care about feelings and emotions, I don’t even know how to measure the emotional connection with her.
- Yes. My wife and I have a wildly successful business that brings a lot of income. This business is so successful because of her effort, high IQ, and local connections. Also, we have 2 children – an 8-year-old boy and a 6-year-old girl.
- Yes, I’m satisfied with the high-quality intimacy with my wife.
In general, there are 3 pillars in marriage: A) emotional connection; B) mutual benefits; C) intimacy. If a marriage has 1 pillar in it, it can still work. If a marriage has 2 pillars in it, it’s a high-quality marriage. If a marriage has 3 pillars in it, this couple should be on national TV.
Obviously, Jason’s marriage is not bad objectively, though his wife cheated on him. Hence, Jason’s decision is not to leave his wife. Now they are looking for affair recovery support. As I’m writing this article today, this couple is still married.
A Chinese psychotherapist once said, “If betrayed spouses do not forgive their cheating partners, then most couples cannot stay married on this planet.”
- What’s under your control VS What’s outside of your control:
Life is not really about what has happened to you in your life. Truthfully, life is all about how you respond to what has happened. Nobody can punish you emotionally without your permission.
In other words, the quality of your love life is actually determined by your response to what has happened to you. You cannot control what has happened, but you can surely control your response.
When you try to control things outside your control, you become anxious.
What your cheating partner did was wrong, yet you can only do so much. You cannot control her behavior. You may only influence her behavior.
Here is the realistic marriage dynamic: When you have a new attitude, your fresh attitude determines your behavior which influences your wife’s behavior. However, you cannot control her behavior.
- If you aren’t married and she cheated on you…
JUST MOVE ON.
Though I talked about how to evaluate the pros & cons of a marriage after an affair, my dating safety advice for unmarried men is totally different.
Well, if a guy is married, he must consider a wide variety of aspects apart from love because of the complexity of his marriage. Nevertheless, if you are unmarried, the nature of this relationship is completely different from a marriage, particularly if you do not have kids with her.
I know a guy named Jeff. In his reality, if the choice is between having a romantic relationship and his dignity, he will choose his dignity every single time. When his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, he wasn’t tolerant of that type of disrespect, so he left her very quickly.
Jeff has tremendous self-respect and keeps his edge. His self-worth governs his decisions. As he is not afraid, ironically his ex-girlfriend became afraid to lose him. As he isn’t needy, his ex-girlfriend began to need him. As he is not dependent on anybody, she began to rely on him. As a result, his ex-girlfriend ended her affair fast and asked him to go back to her. That was just like a reverse magnet in reality.
From the above analysis, it is clear that the individual who is least dependent on the outcome of a romantic relationship will draw the other individual in automatically. But Jeff did not care, so he left his ex-girlfriend and has found a great woman that he deserves.
“I trust myself. I believe in love.” Says Jeff.
“When you trust your self-worth and abilities, you will get what you deserve in love.”