I’m not going to write an article called “New Year, New You” because that sounds like a cliché. Instead, I’d like to start this year by writing something that most dating coaches don’t want to talk about – the uncomfortable truth about dating safely in this day and age.

  • The ideal partner that you desire is someone else’s partner because you allow it.

A good partner is not easy to find when you search within limited borders. When you find a person who has everything you desire in a partner and this person is someone else’s partner, that means you are not proactive enough. You have allowed this to happen in the first place – someone else was more proactive than you. Of course, you may blame luck or some other factors, but at the end of the day, the only thing that you can control is your own action.

An empowered individual doesn’t wait; they take. Next time when you notice someone attractive, go after that person! Don’t miss out on wonderful opportunities for your love life and remember to date safely.

Remember: if you take your friend’s partner, that’s not dating safely.

  • A person who refuses to back down, is decisive about things they want and speaks their mind freely always gains others’ respect in dating and relationships.

This isn’t about being mean; it’s about having the confidence which leads to authority. Certainty is sexy. Having an opinion is sexy. When you are on a date with someone special, remember to express yourself when you want to – it’s okay to disagree with your date because saying your own opinion will make your date respect you even more, whereas agreeing with everything they say will make them respect you less – you must show your standards.

Once you are in a relationship, you have to set up the right terms and conditions. By that I mean you must let your partner know what behavior you can tolerate and what behavior you can’t put up with. Remember: a closed mouth doesn’t get fed! It is your responsibility to keep your mouth open – that’s how you date safely nowadays.

If you are not in a relationship (you are still looking), you’d better get over fear of rejection and start approaching people that you like. Don’t forget that the mission is always bigger than the possible rejection. Don’t wait for a sign; just see every attractive person as an opportunity to win in your love life. With this idea in your mind, you won’t worry about failure and you will transform your love life and date safely.

Just go for what you want and never allow insecurity to convince you that you aren’t good enough or you have to wait until you are ready. My suggestion is: start before you are ready. You will never get ready. Let me explain.

Darren Hayes is an Australian singer and songwriter. He famously says, “Every album was abandoned; it was never finished. After releasing an album, I don’t listen to it during the next couple of weeks because if I listen to it again, I will want to change something in it.” This is so true. As a matter of fact, many writers do this as well – after publishing a book, the author doesn’t read it during the next couple of months because if they read the book again, they will want to change something in the book! Yes, many artists and authors are perfectionists.

Now let’s have a look at how this theory applies to dating safely: When you spend a year working out in the gym, spend lots of money on good clothes and shoes, read 50 books about dating and relationships & ask all your friends for advice on dating safely, you are missing out on a large number of opportunities at the same time because you are trying to get ready. Truthfully, you may never get ready completely, so why not start before you are ready? Now it’s the best time to join the dating scene. If you think you’re young, soon you’ll be old. If you think you’re old, soon you’ll be older. So, your most valuable asset is your time! Every successful person that I know values their time first.

  • A truly empowered person isn’t a pushover.

In dating and relationships, if you give up your power and give your partner complete control, the excitement is over already. It is okay to let your partner take charge at times; however, that is something that must be earned by showing you that your partner is just as strong as you are. Let me put it this way: arguments should never be shouting matches but more like debates where you challenge your partner to prove that their way of doing things is better than yours (and vice versa). It is during these debates for control that you can know that you have found a worthy and strong partner.

Please note that once you believe that your partner is irreplaceable, you become vulnerable because you start to believe that you won’t be able to find someone better than this person anymore. That makes you become open to exploitation, and it can be dangerous. In order to date safely, I’d like you to consider this key idea: It’s okay to let down your guard and show your love & affection, but a truly empowered person will not let someone else run them. Every relationship / marriage is different and unique; part of getting to know each other better is knowing when to stand firm, when to give in and when to compromise. If you feel that you are not getting that amount of respect, it’s your responsibility to remind your partner early and often because nobody can read your mind!

In conclusion, decisiveness, self-confidence and having authority are the key to dating safely. If you were a pushover in the past, note that you can’t change your past (by the way, your past doesn’t exist; it only exists in your head). From now on, you can reclaim your role in this world. You won’t shy away from someone attractive simply because you don’t know what to say to that person. You are already a truly empowered person; this world & everything in it is yours for the taking! Make this statement your motto and use it as your daily affirmation 😊 You are welcome.

  • Don’t get played.

When it comes to getting played in dating and relationships, people often think about s*x and money. But nobody talks about lodging – this is the hustle that dating coaches don’t want to talk about. Yet it is probably the most common hustle in this day and age as it allows a player to get the s*x and the money while someone else is putting a roof over the player’s head. Obviously, Julien Blanc did that when he was in his 20s. At that time, he was dating an attractive and capable woman while living with her (that was her place). Then he spent some time away from her – during that period of time, she figured it out. So, they broke up. If he stayed with her all the time, chances are she wouldn’t even realize what actually happened.

Clearly, speaking of dating safely, we have to talk about lodging.

For players, moving in is not about wanting to be with someone 24/7 out of love; usually it is about convenience.

“Don’t get played; always date safely.”