Best-selling author Dr Christiane Northrup famously said, “Standard modern medicine focuses on what could go wrong in the human body, but my approach is about what can go right in the human body.” In other words, focusing on positivity is very empowering. When it comes to online dating, a lot of people focus on how to avoid scams, which is valuable and understandable. But why not focus on what can go right in this regard?
- Are you thinking about how to overcome difficulties or how to find happiness?
When I was in my early 20s, I had a friend called Lily who found it really difficult to get along with people around her. At that time, my mom told me that Lily’s real problem was focusing on the wrong things, i.e., Lily was always focusing on how to overcome difficulties rather than how to find happiness, so she attracted more and more difficulties to her life.
Tonight, when my mom was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, I asked her to be more careful as she didn’t turn on the light. My mom was not happy with my comment, although my intention was good. I told her that my previous manager was chopping strawberries at work without turning on the light and nobody reminded him of anything because that manager couldn’t get along well with anyone at work. That is to say, I reminded my mom of the importance of safety because I actually care about her. But she didn’t appreciate how much I care about her, so I said to her, “My previous manager was chopping strawberries in the dark, but nobody cared about her. Yet I care about you and reminded you because you are my mom. However, you don’t appreciate me.” My mom was silent. Then I suddenly realized that my mom’s focus is different: Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, she focuses on what can go right. That is her philosophy. Because of her philosophy, she is a happy person most of the time, but she had a few major accidents in life. Fortunately, she recovered pretty well. Therefore, I would argue that the right approach is to focus on what can go right in life; meanwhile, we should still be reasonably vigilant. That means it’s better to strike a balance without hypervigilance.
- How to focus on positivity while remaining reasonably vigilant in the online dating world:
In terms of online dating, you would be well-advised to be aware of how to avoid scammers. At the same time, you have to focus on positivity in dating and relationships:
First and foremost, dating is a good way to help you improve yourself because when you are working on your love life, other areas of your life will also be better. For instance, because you need to prepare for dates, you have to improve your grooming and fashion, which also helps you improve your confidence. Because you are more confident, your career and social circle will also become better. This is a virtuous cycle that brings you benefits all the time. Second, when you are in a relationship, you learn how to be a more caring partner, a more effective communicator and a more attractive man. As a result, a relationship is also a type of personal development.
“Online dating brings you amazing opportunities to meet more candidates, find love and get married.”
