How to stop overthinking in your online dating journey

Research shows that modern people tend to overthink situations more often because nowadays people receive a large amount of information every single day. If you tend to overthink situations while you are chatting with women on an online dating site, this article will probably give you some helpful advice.

Overthinking is caused by anxiety.

A lot of people overthink conversations that they’ve had with other people on dating sites. It seems that anxiety needs to find a target, a home. Anxiety wants to attach to something. Sometimes, your anxiety latches on to the fact that you wish you could take back your last message on a dating website.

Stress comes from overthinking as well as overmanaging your love life. So, if you keep thinking about a conversation that you’ve just had with a woman on a dating website, please take a step back and realize that a good relationship isn’t brittle. You can’t break the right relationship easily. Hence, please don’t focus on a message that you have sent already as that’s probably irrelevant anyway. Instead, you would be well-advised to think of the next message that you will send tomorrow. Indeed, instead of feeling anxious and stressed, you’d better think about how you can better craft the next message into something meaningful and powerful.

If she doesn’t respond to your last message, you can send her a message a few days later, “Hi. I haven’t heard from you for several days, so I have missed you. How have you been?” Now you’ll see how she responds. You should look for patterns. Does she get closer and closer and then suddenly disappears from your world? If so, you must acknowledge the pattern by telling her, “Hello. I like you. However, I sense a pattern where you become closer and then disappear. So, I don’t know where I stand. I’m not sure whether to invest more energy and time into getting closer to you, as I feel like when I do that, there is a point at which you become cold again.”

Now I’m pretty sure you won’t end up in an embarrassing situation where you passively pretend nothing is wrong. Just celebrate the fact that you are honest and outspoken. When you combine honesty with vulnerability, self-respect and compassion, the interaction will make her look at you not as a passive aggressive guy or an angry guy, but as a strong man. As to your next step, you could be candid and send her a message, “I’d love to chat with you again if you also feel the same.” Then you’ll see how she responds to this message. Her response will tell you who she really is.

How expansive is your life?

People who are anxious usually don’t have an expansive life because they get more set in what they choose to do with their time already.

How expansive is your life now? Even if you are busy with online dating, do you proactively look for communities or Facebook groups that are engaged in your hobbies and interests? Are you going out to meet more people in real life? In my opinion, online dating and offline dating should be combined because you need to maximize your chance of finding someone suitable.