Nathan is a Type A personality. Now that he has decided he is going to date, he approaches it just like his work. He believes that if he does his plan, gets coaching and then goes for it, he will simply fall in love and get married. Does dating actually work that way?

Do you have a goal-oriented mindset in international dating?

When it comes to international dating, many men are very goal-oriented. I’d like to introduce two types of action: 1) results-based action: “I’m not successful yet as I haven’t got the desired result that I want.” 2) effort-based action: “I’m successful if I do the things that will lead to the results I want as a byproduct of what I do.” Ideally, you should have more effort-based action, i.e., engaging in things and activities that will be worth it for their own sake. Now please think about things that you would do just to feel positive, creative, healthy, fulfilled, curious and connected. For example, after the first coaching session, Nathan has come up with a list of things that he could do to feel good: going to the movies, reading books, listening to pop songs, visiting the museum and the gallery, traveling the world, and so on. He says new experiences open and strengthen his neural pathways; new experiences are changing his mind physically.

It’s okay to be a results-oriented guy, yet please focus on the input instead of the output. Interestingly, when you focus on the input, you will get the output that you want naturally. For example, Nathan is keen to meet a woman from Ukraine, so he has joined an international dating website. He is active on the dating platform every day. His effort is obvious and solid. After the second coaching session, Nathan has decided to focus on effort-based action, e.g., working on his conversation skills, learning communication techniques, improving his fashion and grooming, and so forth. He told me that he has learned a lot about himself and how this world works by doing these activities. As I’m writing this article right now, Nathan has just started a relationship with a Ukrainian woman on the Internet.

What are you curious about right now?

Some men have asked me how to become better conversationalists so that they can have better dating lives. Truthfully, if you are eager to improve your conversations with women, you need something interesting to talk about in the first place. In order to have something fun to talk about before each date, you should build a wonderful lifestyle for yourself, i.e., an amazing life that is best characterized by interests, hobbies, friends, family, career plans, and so on. You are not busy with busyness in life; you are living a satisfying life that you are genuinely proud of every single day.     

If you haven’t built a stimulating lifestyle yet, please find out what you are curious about right now, and then explore your curiosity. For instance, Nathan is curious about building a capsule wardrobe that works for him, so he has hired a stylist who gives him helpful advice. He says he will benefit from the new wardrobe as well as the theories and principles that he has learned from the stylist forever. 

“When you focus on effort, results will come inevitably.”