They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and there’s nothing like an argument to prove that point!
Have you noticed that men often appear calm and relaxed when women are upset with them? This lack of reaction can seem as though they aren’t interested in what you have to say and don’t care what you are feeling, but appearances can be deceptive. Let’s have a look at Russian lady Natasha’s take on emotional connection in a long-term relationship!
Men’s real reaction to women’s distress:
Although men may not show their emotions, they can be deeply affected by their women’s distress. It is difficult for a man to see that his woman is unhappy, as he will take the weight of responsibility for her wellbeing and feel that he has failed her.
Men want to be the provider and the protector, keeping their loved ones safe and secure. They are also problem solvers, and this can mean the gap between what you need and what you get becomes a huge source of conflict in your relationship.
If you want to vent your problems to your man, let him know in advance that you only want him to listen, and that you are not looking for him to provide solutions. It will not be easy for him to listen without making suggestions about what you could do to resolve your problems. Although it may feel unnatural to him at first, over time he can learn that listening is one of the ways in which he can support you. Of course, support and understanding goes both ways. It is equally important for you to learn to see things from his perspective.
“It is the difference between western men and Russian women, not the sameness, that creates the tension and the delight.”
How does the male mind actually operate?
Men often find it difficult to see the value in talking about problems without then talking about solutions. It can seem like a waste of time and energy. Women feel good after talking, as just having someone there to listen is enough. It is one of the key differences between men and women.
It is also important to know that your man will never be able to meet all your needs, and to have unrealistic expectations will lead to both of you feeling bad.
Having a strong support network around you means that you don’t have to place all the responsibility for your wellbeing onto your man. It may be more helpful for you and your man if you speak to your girlfriends when you have problems that don’t need solutions, and talk to your man when you need advice. It can be a win-win situation for men and women, and one that can lead to greater happiness for both of you. It is an easy way to improve your relationship that you can put into practice straight away.
Do you often feel frustrated that your man doesn’t seem to listen or care? Have you reached a place in your relationship where you have a healthy understanding of what you can expect from each other? Well, if you are struggling in this regard, chances are you need to reinforce the emotional connection between you and him.
How to reignite emotional intimacy in a long-term relationship/marriage
People who are in long-term relationships (or those who are married) tend to become slightly lazy – they are much more likely to take their partners for granted. Consequently, learning how to reignite emotional intimacy in a marriage or a long-term relationship is paramount.
Understand and meet his emotional needs. Every man has three emotional needs in a long-term relationship or marriage:
1) His capabilities are trusted.
Men evaluate themselves based on capabilities and achievements – these are their most important criteria. Most men are more decisive than women when it comes to knowing whether they can cope with their problems by themselves or not. So, when a man has a problem, he tends to think about it alone first. If he knows he can’t deal with it alone, he will ask for help. When he asks for your help, you offer your help. Don’t offer help before he asks you! Otherwise, you’ll become his nagging wife.
2) His talents are acknowledged.
The real reason why Princess Diana was divorced was she had repeatedly told the media in public that Prince Charles didn’t have the talent to be the King. Hence, of course, Prince Charles was very unhappy.
Remember to pay your man a compliment once in a while. Let him know that you always acknowledge his talents. Then he will want to be with you because you make him feel like a real man.
3) His efforts are appreciated.
When your partner comes back home after work in the evening, give him a hug and say, “I know you are working very hard for us. I really appreciate that.”
After he has done the dishes or taken out the trash, you say, “Thank you! You’ve really helped me!” Your appreciation makes him want to help you even more in the future.
Practice healthy fighting. All couples fight. That’s very normal. However, happy couples tend to fight in a healthy way. Now I’ve done research in this area for 11 years, so I’ve summarized key elements of healthy fighting for you – you’ll get it quickly without spending more than one decade figuring it out. Here are the best tips about healthy fighting:
#1. Many women tend to overthink. As a matter of fact, not every problem you think about in your head is really a problem you should discuss with your guy. Remember that whatever emotion or feeling you express, men will feel responsible for that. And if he can’t fix the issue, he will feel that he has failed. That’s why you’d better complain less around him. Only talk about issues that are real issues.
#2. Just because your guy isn’t talking to you, it doesn’t mean he is upset. You should assume his silence only means he feels peaceful unless there are other signs. You can let him enjoy his silence and do your own thing happily.
#3. When you do argue with him, never bring up the past. Never engage in name-calling or insults, and stop insisting you are right because that will only make him more defensive and escalate the argument.
#4. When he is angry, you can say, “Apparently, you are in a bad mood. I don’t enjoy being around you when you are like this. Send me a message when you feel better.” Then you get up and leave the house.
#5. Practicing healthy fighting doesn’t mean you should put up with his bullshit. If he has done something really wrong, you need to let him know in a constructive way. You can say, “What you did was such a turn-off.” Then he will want to win you back because every man wants to turn on his woman – no man wants to turn his wife off!
“Indeed, attracting a partner is an art; keeping the emotional intimacy is a life-long task.”