How to build a deeper connection in a long-distance relationship

Nowadays many couples are in long-distance relationships because they met each other online/work in two different cities/etc. If you are also in a long-distance relationship, this article will show you how to create a much deeper connection.

Keep the conversations interesting.

What makes a conversation interesting? (Today I’m going to give you the answer to this million-dollar question about communication and human dynamics.) 😉

Research shows that an interesting conversation is best characterized by a mixture of different emotions.

To help you better understand this concept, I’d like you to listen to 2 songs:

To the Moon and Back
I Knew I Loved You

Both of them are Savage Garden’s songs, but psychologists point out that To the Moon and Back is a significantly better song from a psychological perspective because it’s both sad and uplifting at the same time. In contrast, I Knew I Loved You is just a romantic love song.

In other words, most people would agree that To the Moon and Back has two very different emotions in it, whereas I Knew I Loved You only has one emotion.

Clearly, when two different emotions are present in one thing, its impact is more powerful.

Now I’m sure you’ve understood this technique in communication: When you mix multiple emotions in the interaction, the connection is stronger.

In order to reinforce this idea, I’m going to share with you a part of a short story written by me:

Will is a 12-year-old Australian boy who was born in a working-class family. At school, he learned that a lot of Aboriginal people in Australia were killed by White immigrants when the Australian continent was discovered by the Europeans. Will has saved a few dollars by helping his parents with housework at home. He could spend the coins on ice cream at McDonald’s, but he has decided to give the coins to the Aboriginal beggar in the street because he believes that he is already very privileged as a White male in Australia, although he comes from a relatively poor family. Whenever he gave the coins to the Aboriginal beggar, there are tears in his eyes and a big smile on his face….

I was the winner of a creative writing competition in 2011 because of this story. And I knew exactly what I did: The audience were deeply moved by Will’s mixed emotions (sympathy and pride) in that moment.

Now when you use this technique in your long-distance relationship, the communication will look like this: You talk about your career plans with your partner. You send her two photos and ask her which outfit you should wear if you are going out for a date with her. You tell her how you manage your time. And then you ask her where she would wake up tomorrow if she can wake up anywhere in the world. That is to say, sometimes you are serious; sometimes you are silly; sometimes you are careful; sometimes you are playful…. In this way, the emotional connection becomes deeper and deeper in this relationship.

Create a shared vision that is compelling and realistic.

It’s very important to have a shared vision with your partner because that makes you focus on building this long-term relationship.

Remember: a shared vision has to be compelling and realistic. What’s more, you need a timeframe, i.e., both of you should know when you will achieve this goal (when you will move and be together).

As you look forward to something exciting, the relationship becomes stronger.