How to get to a new depth of emotional connection in an international relationship

Let’s think outside the box and take a different path to get to a new depth of connection in your international relationship. If your long-term relationship is less sparky now and you would like to reconnect with your partner, don’t be afraid of hard conversations! 😉

Set a time limit for a conversation.

If you need to have a difficult but important conversation with your partner, you can set a time limit by making an appointment around a specific activity, e.g., “Shall we have a 20-minute walk this afternoon to talk about our career plans?”

I remember when I was in my early 20s, my manager at that time used to have meetings with me while taking a walk together. By changing the environment, we became more creative and more relaxed.

Indeed, if you are keen to have a hard but important conversation with your partner, you would be well-advised to change the environment and set a time limit, so the conversation becomes easier to manage. You can have a chat while having a bath together in the morning or having a coffee together during lunchtime. I’m sure the conversation rut will be shaken up.

You can pre-frame the situation by starting the conversation with something along the lines of, “This may not be very pleasant, so I really appreciate that you are so willing to engage.” Because there is a time limit, you should talk about one issue at a time, so that nobody will be overwhelmed. Also, you’d better listen to your partner from a place of inquisitiveness and curiosity rather than judgement.

What to do when your partner feels overwhelmed:

If your partner begins to shut down or feels overwhelmed, please don’t say, “I didn’t do anything.” Instead, you should be curious and say, “Please tell me more.” – The most powerful way to feel connected in an international relationship is to make your partner feel listened to and fully understood. But listening doesn’t really mean agreeing – you should remind your partner of this fact. Don’t forget that acknowledging your partner’s experience doesn’t invalidate your experience & you are not responsible for making each other’s negative emotions go away. You probably won’t solve every problem in one conversation; however, each conversation is important.

It’s perfectly okay to ask your partner, “What can I do to make our conversation more productive and constructive?” When a conversation feels almost impossible, you might write to each other – this will possibly make a difference immediately. Note that nothing is perfect and every relationship requires some work and effort, so please watch this space where we publish helpful articles regularly.