After ending a previous relationship, you might want to start looking for a new relationship because you deserve true love. These days many men are looking for international relationships as they prefer Eastern European ladies who are more traditional and respectful. This article will share with you how to make sure your new relationship is definitely better than your previous relationship.

  • Instead of focusing on finding someone better than your ex, you have to seriously look at the dynamics between you and your new partner.

Shawn is a single guy in his early 40s. He has had several relationships before, but none of those relationships worked out in the end. I met his ex-girlfriends: Sabrina has short hair; Annie has long hair; Vivien wears pink lipstick; Bianca wears red lipstick – these people are the same, except their hairstyles and makeup. Last year Shawn showed me his girlfriend at the time (Sally) – she is also the same person with a different haircut. He broke up with Sally this year and then asked me, “Why did all these women violate my standards and cross the boundaries?” Further examination reveals that Shawn doesn’t really set clear boundaries and certainly doesn’t communicate his standards to his ex-girlfriends cleanly and clearly. That’s why he was repeating the same dynamics in every relationship. Hence, he totally should look at how a woman makes him feel as well as how he responds to that in reality. If you are starting a new relationship right now, please don’t simply focus on who she is. Instead, please focus on how you interact with her, i.e., the dynamics in this new relationship. Who she is on paper is not very important. If you don’t focus on how you communicate with her, you might repeat the same negative patterns in each relationship. If you are in Shawn’s situation right now, please realize that it’s not just that you have accepted certain behavior that you shouldn’t accept in a relationship; it’s probably that you excused and justified that behavior. Ask yourself these questions:

  • “How did certain things get through my filter in that relationship?” 
  • “What did I say to myself that minimized the significance of something that I should have paid more attention to in my previous relationship?”
  • “What did I excuse?”
  • “What was my blind spot in that relationship?”

Note that you must catch how you dismiss or allow certain behaviors that you don’t like in your previous relationship. Otherwise, you might repeat the same unhelpful pattern when you start a new relationship.

international relationship

  • How to know whether someone is disrespectful or you are simply being needy or high-maintenance: 

The fastest way to figure this out quickly is to do a role-reversal, i.e., imagine you and your girlfriend are reversed. And then imagine what it will be like for you to do a certain behavior which upset you to her. Ask yourself, “If I did that to her, how would I feel?” (If it would certainly make you feel bad, you shouldn’t let that behavior happen.)

Of course, if you and your girlfriend have very different sensitivities, you have to tell her early and kindly so she knows it’s an issue that you don’t want to put up with.

Don’t forget that the initial stage of every relationship is the honeymoon phase when most people are still on their best behavior. That is to say, if something is already seriously wrong at the beginning, you shouldn’t assume it can be fixed later on. Perhaps small things such as fashion and grooming might be fixed later, but not big things!

Therefore, whatever you accept early will possibly merely become worse in the future. Frankly, relationship dynamics are a bit like cement, i.e., at first, things could change fast, yet dynamics solidify as time goes by. You must pay attention to the relationship dynamics at the very beginning of your new relationship because cement dries. You have to show when certain behavior is not something that you like early on by giving her a quick reminder or having a small conversation with her kindly and early. It’s just like bookmarking something that you really don’t like. Good relationships are not discovered; great international relationships are built proactively by switched-on people who are willing to work on the quality of their romantic relationships. 

By the way, you need to know the difference between criticism and complaint. In a relationship, criticism is about someone’s character, whereas complaint is about the incident. For example, if you say, “You only think about yourself”, this criticism will raise her defenses and that’s exactly how arguments start in relationships. In contrast, if you say, “In future when you make a cake, would you mind asking me whether I’d like to have a piece of cake?”, she would understand what you are trying to communicate much faster. 

“International relationships are more likely to be high-quality relationships, according to dating and relationship experts, because women from Eastern Europe have traditional values and respect men.”