Safer dating advice: Where does safety come from?

“Why do you check her phone?” I ask a client who is looking for safer dating advice.

“I feel insecure,” says the client, “To be honest, I always think she’s going to find someone better and leave me.”

“If there’s no problem in your relationship, you don’t need to check her phone,” I explain what’s happening to him, “If there’s a problem in your relationship, you should solve that problem. I’ve never seen a couple that has solved their problem by checking each other’s phone.”

It’s normal to feel insecure because you’re only human. But I would argue that men shouldn’t seek safety from women.

You need to provide your own safety.

Where does true safety come from?

Research shows that real safety comes from core confidence, i.e., you know that no matter what, you’re a high-value guy because you believe in your worth.

That’s true safety.

In other words, true safety is derived from unshakeable core confidence.

I understand that six-pack muscles, perfect grooming and fashion can give you external confidence which is also important because external confidence influences how you feel. I also acknowledge that a promising career, a high-quality social circle and interesting hobbies can give you lifestyle confidence which plays a key role in your wellbeing. Yet I’d like to point out that external confidence and lifestyle confidence can be taken away at any time – you never know whether you’ll keep your six-pack for a decade; you don’t know if your promising career will still be promising next year; you can’t predict what will happen to your social circle if circumstances change.

That is to say, your external confidence and lifestyle confidence can be taken away due to factors that are outside of your control.

However, your core confidence is something that stays with you forever if you actually have it!

My ultimate safer dating advice: Your solid inner core provides your own safety, so you feel safe and secure with or without a woman!

You need to provide her with certainty.

Some men play games with women: They deliberately look at other women’s photos on Instagram in front of their partners. They think jealousy makes women chase men.

Frankly, that’s a lame and childish strategy because when you stimulate a woman’s jealousy, she starts to feel insecure. Worse still, she feels uncertain about this relationship with you. Truthfully, if something is bad for your relationship, it’s also bad for you because you are a part of this relationship. There’s always a price to pay – karma is real!

Therefore, I highly encourage men to give women relationship certainty so that a healthy relationship creates a win-win situation for everyone.

In conclusion, you need an invincible core and you have to truly love her. Please be proud to be a loving man because being an insecure jerk can’t give you long-term happiness!