Actually, a relationship is a dynamic: When you change your behavior, your partner has to change their response; therefore, the international relationship is evolving.
- What is the concept of layering in an international relationship?
When it comes to learning how relationships work, there are so many moving parts, considerations and different sets of circumstances that need to be taken into account because learning something new is also a dynamic: While working on one aspect of a relationship, this aspect would influence other aspects of this relationship, too.
That’s why when someone asks me how to make their relationship better, I often advise them to understand the concept of layering:
What is the thinnest layer/slice right in front of you in your current situation?
If the thinnest layer is to apologize to your partner for what you said to them last night, you’d better do that right now.
Because a romantic relationship is a dynamic, your current action will influence the future direction of this relationship – one layer leads to another layer & one layer influences another layer….
That’s exactly why a relationship can be a vicious circle or a virtuous circle.
- How to be empowered:
Realistically, when you choose to empower yourself and improve your relationship, you do that effectively by acknowledging that the old way doesn’t work anymore. Sadly, for a lot of people, this is a very difficult part because it’s not easy to admit & accept that what they’ve been doing for decades doesn’t even work (and probably never worked anyway). Yet being 100% honest with yourself is the prerequisite of transforming your relationship – Frankly, your relationship is a mirror of who you really are. Here is the uncomfortable truth: In love and in life, you don’t get what you want; you only get who you are. Everything that’s happening in your life is showing you who you really are!
What’s more, in order to have a better relationship, you need to take full responsibility to do better by honing your relationship skills and owning your trauma, past hurts, neurotic behavior & unhealthy coping mechanisms. This can’t happen if you are stuck in a poor mindset of blame and shame when it should be kindness and generosity.
“Please note that you need to focus and be present & appreciate how challenging being in a relationship is. In an ideal relationship, you are both committed to it, create an agreement of autonomy as well as togetherness, build a blueprint and take action to work towards your vision together. When you have a shared vision that truly excites you, you’ll look forward to the compelling future in a long-lasting international relationship.”
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