My good friend Owen told me that he has very high standards for a woman and very few women meet his standards. He asked me whether he should just date anyone while waiting for the right person, or simply keep looking on an online dating website.
- What are your deal-breakers?
It’s very important to know what your deal-breakers are right now. It’s paramount to get to know candidates well enough to see how they potentially fit into your framework. Don’t raise your initial standards to such a high level that you create too many unnecessary barriers.
My advice for Owen is to give a lot of candidates opportunities at the beginning so that he can have more people to choose from in the first place. Then when it comes to deciding who he should build a connection with, he has to look at his standards more closely.
As I see it, dating is an exploration in life and there are various levels to dating, e.g., meeting a large amount of people, living an expansive life, choosing whom you would like to spend more time and energy with. Instead of dismissing a woman immediately if she does something you don’t like (unless she has done something wildly wrong or rude), you might do a better job of bringing these things up in a curious, playful and polite manner.
Owen says there have been times when he hasn’t given women enough of a chance, and then later on he realized that he misunderstood those people’s intentions. Sometimes it was simply a behavior that people didn’t mind correcting. Consequently, Owen missed out on many opportunities that could lead to a happy relationship in the long term. Having said that, now Owen has understood what happened in the past, so he will change his approach in this regard in the future.
- Intuition is oftentimes overrated.
Based on the above analysis, I would argue that intuition is often overrated in life. Sometimes intuition can stop you from truly getting to know others. You might be attracted to a woman only after you actually connect with her.
Please get clear about what you really want and then make sure the standards that you think will make you happy are actually going to make you genuinely happy in your love life. What’s more, you may ask yourself this question, “Whom do I need to become so as to attract the kind of woman that I am eager to attract?”
Don’t forget that the right woman is keen to meet a guy with a certain type of compassion, kindness and warmth, so you have to make sure that you are able to communicate that, as what you are and what you communicate may be different things in reality. That’s why you can ask family and friends for some honest feedback on how you communicate. Alternatively, you can even hire an online dating coach who can offer some helpful advice that will show you the fast-track to the right person.
“Do your online dating skills match our high standards? If not, you might consider hiring a dating coach who can help you improve your dating skills.”
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