Safer dating dynamics: Are your needs met?

“I live in America. The lady that I’ve been dating for almost two years lives in Europe. We see each other every 3 months. However, if something comes up, she would cancel. Now I’m going to talk to her about this, but I’m worried. I guess everything works out pretty well till I begin to make waves. That’s why I’m concerned,” says Eli, “Can you help me?”

Don’t devalue your needs.

My advice for Eli applies to all men who don’t know how to communicate their needs cleanly and clearly in dating and relationships. The fact that Eli says “things work out well till I begin to make waves” means he has devalued his needs already. But Eli’s needs are just as important as his partner’s needs. Eli has asked me to share my answer to his question on this safer dating blog so that more men can learn from his lessons.

Frankly, if everything only works out so long as you neglect your needs, that’s not a real relationship because that’s simply a one-way street. Please remember that you do have needs in a romantic relationship. As long as what you are asking for is reasonable, your needs shouldn’t be seen as an imposition. Honestly, even when she isn’t canceling on you, you merely see her every three months, which isn’t very frequent.

She has to know that this meaningful relationship isn’t only about her telling you when she is free and you remaining in standby mode, as that means it’s a one-way street.

What’s more, you probably don’t feel secure in this long-distance relationship. Since you don’t feel progression, you are not happy with the current situation and she isn’t meeting your needs. Therefore, it’s time to clearly tell her what your needs are, e.g., you deserve an authentic connection, you want a genuine partner, you look forward to sharing your future with your soulmate….

A long-term relationship needs certainties and decisions.

Indeed, a long-distance relationship requires a shared vision (who is going to move). This must be a priority because without a shared blueprint, it’s not a sustainable relationship.

Please note that the right relationship includes two individuals who work well together as a team and a romantic relationship that actually works pretty well. If it’s just a long-distance relationship, this connection probably works in the abstract right now. Nonetheless, it also has to work in the practical sense because you can’t continue living in the abstract; you need to make sure that your relationship works towards reality. If you think you have a long-distance relationship but the person you are seeing can’t give you what you need, you don’t really have a relationship (you only have a fantasy). This is sad but true.

Here is the ultimate safer dating advice for modern men looking for love: If you are looking for a healthy romantic relationship that works & you find it hard to meet someone suitable, please remember that you just need one. Actually, most of the time, love is unrequited in the dating world, which is the uncomfortable truth, but it’s very normal. The real miracle is if you ever find a situation where love is required. When you go into each situation feeling worried if love is not required, it’s a bit like feeling anxious when gravity exists. Please be smart. Be practical.