A lot of individuals have gone through something like this: They begin seeing someone attractive, they truly like that person, then they begin obsessing over each and everything little thing, which ruins the entire project. Indeed, balancing things out isn’t easy in dating and relationships. What’s more, dealing with disappointment and analyzing what went wrong is even more challenging and tiring. Now, I would like to let you know this is not your fault if you went through the above-mentioned scenario. Usually, when things do not work out, it’s just because two individuals aren’t right for each other – not a great match. Having said that, sometimes you might be the reason why there is a missed opportunity. If you are ready to learn what you did wrong, please analyze the situation in an objective way because overthinking things may drive you crazy.
Mistake #1: Complaining.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the dating world is simple. I understand that dating is not easy and sometimes the world of love could be unforgiving and harsh. But it doesn’t mean complaining solves any problems.
No matter how tarnished your past is, your future is always spotless. It’s up to you how you respond to what has happened and learn from your experiences. That’s how you create a compelling future!
What defines maturity is not your past, but how you interpret your past.
Also, please do not make generalizations about people – that only makes you bitter and boring.
My advice is to be cautious, i.e. always select candidates wisely. Learn some dating skills and human dynamics before you allow someone to take up your emotion and time. Never ignore any red flags. Yes, you should follow your heart, but meanwhile, don’t forget to use your brain when you are in love. You need to spend enough time with someone before you actually know that person.
No matter what, you should believe that there are still wonderful people in this world. When you have this mindset, you choose optimism. You know what, optimism attracts positivity! That’s the right attitude that you should have.
Mistake #2: Allowing feelings and emotions to dominate everything.
This is the second dating mistake that people often make these days because in modern-day society, we have seen enough Hollywood movies and romantic TV shows which tell us that love is a blissful experience.
There is nothing wrong with that ideology. But the reality is different from a fictional story on TV. If you allow your emotions and feelings to dominate everything in a relationship, this relationship is in danger.
So, I’ve summarized some key questions that you need to ask yourself before you marry someone:
- “Does this person bring me up or bring me down?”
If this person criticizes you all the time, undervalues your contribution to the relationship and makes you feel bad in general, this is obviously the wrong candidate, no matter how successful, popular or attractive they seem to be.
In contrast, if your partner appreciates you, makes you feel amazing and respects you at all times, that’s a keeper! Congratulations!
2. “Does this person share the same lifestyle with you?”
Love is hard. Thus, please do not make it harder by choosing someone who fundamentally wants a completely different lifestyle.
You want to read books on weekends. Your partner wants to go camping on weekends. You want to live in a big city. Your partner wants to live in the countryside. You want to settle down and buy a house now. Your partner wants to travel the world for years. That means you two want very different lifestyles that are probably incompatible.
It doesn’t matter whether you two prefer different foods or different magazines. But it does matter if you two want totally different lifestyles.
3. “What is this person like at their worst?”
If you overlook the worst in a person and you already want to marry that person, be careful.
You need to know that you can handle the situation when your partner is at their worst before getting married. Otherwise, life will happen – there will be challenges over time.
Does your partner get extremely furious? Is your partner very jealous?
4. “Is our blueprint for the future similar or compatible?”
Before you get married, you have to clarify these things with your partner: finances, housing and children.
Realistically, being madly in love is far from enough for a marriage to last forever. You have to share a vision for the future. Be practical.
5. “Do you have similar/compatible values?”
If you are financially generous but your partner is not, this will cause some conflicts in the future, even though you avoid talking about money altogether now.
Let’s say you are very ambitious but your partner is not – you need to analyze whether this may annoy you in the long term because you actually have very different values.
6. “Can your partner admit their mistakes and apologize?”
Being married to someone who is unwilling to apologize is very frustrating. Worse still, if a person is unwilling to work on their mistakes, that’s really bad for a marriage.
When issues arise, relationships can hardly ever survive on one individual alone taking all responsibilities. You two must be a team in order to win.
Mistake #3: Getting locked in a needy headspace.
After the first date, you might find yourself pacing up & down, looking at your phone all the time and hoping that person will send you a text message.
Whenever your partner is upset, you are worried that your partner may leave you.
You want to get married in order to look socially acceptable. Or you want to be married because of desperation rather than inspiration.
All of these are needy behavior and mindset. In order to overcome this common dating mistake, you have to find other ways to keep your life exciting with or without a partner.
So, it’s time to explore activities you like, meet new friends, focus on projects at work, make time for family….
Do not invest all your time, energy, and happiness in one person. Remember: you have your own life as well!
Your independence makes you very attractive!
Just to be clear: If you really have to play mental chess all the time in order to keep your partner interested, the result will not be good, even if you two get married. Let me explain.
Let’s say you play constant mental chess moves so as to keep your partner. Chances are your partner isn’t really attracted to you in the first place, so if your partner wants to marry you, they probably do it for the wrong reasons, e.g. fame, money, convenience, and so forth. I know a couple who were married for the wrong reasons and their divorce was ugly, even though someone out-used the user in the end.
“Please avoid the above-mentioned dating mistakes!”