Most of the time, my work involves writing articles on my laptop many hours per day, including weekends. According to my experience, having substance is important, but having charisma is also paramount because when substance and charisma are combined, the results are literally unlimited. Because I know my work has real substance and I practice my charisma by socializing with people, my results are pretty solid. That also means many people want to catch up with me in my social circle when I actually have deadlines at work. Now I’d like to talk about how I juggle work & play effectively. These ideas will give you inspiration in terms of when you can say yes and how to say no in your love life as well.
Do not eliminate meaning; eliminate rubbish.
Elimination helps you focus on what’s more important to you. Absence of distraction is exactly what makes people produce films, run wildly successful companies and climb Mount Everest. These major accomplishments were achieved because someone was willing to focus on what’s important by eliminating all noises.
Examples of rubbish that should be eliminated:
- Hanging out with a loser friend who has nothing to contribute to your life;
- Spending unlimited time on YouTube watching meaningless videos;
- Complaining about anything;
- Going window-shopping for no reason;
- Attending a dinner party where you meet people whom you will never see again.
These are rubbish that you must eliminate from your life. Then you will have more time and space for reading, work and meaningful activities in your life.
Examples of meaning (please don’t eliminate the following):
- A trip abroad that will expand your outlook;
- A concert that will feed your soul;
- A dinner date with your Russian girlfriend;
- A night out with your best friends who are leaving this country;
- A personal development workshop that will change your life forever.
These activities add real value to your life. They give your life meaning, joy and fascination. These memories are highly valuable, so they should be cherished carefully.
Basically, if something is a unique activity that you actually like, it has meaning. If spending time with a person who brings you happiness is something you genuinely want to do, this experience also has meaning. If a particular activity will not happen again any time soon, it definitely has meaning. Otherwise, it’s probably rubbish that you should totally eliminate.
Typical rubbish ideas when you are single and looking for love:
The first rubbish idea that you should eliminate is assuming that going on a lot of dates will give you a good love life.
Truthfully, the dating binge headspace is not healthy. In other words, going on lots of dates does not mean you will do better in the world of love. Quantity does not solve your problems because it is not everything. Instead of going on so many dates that take you nowhere, you’d better read more books, go to the cinema or catch up with your friends.
My advice is to invest time meeting individuals you actually like & do not spend time going on mediocre dates. Remember: when you spend your time, you do not get your time back; when you invest your time, you get dividends.
The second rubbish idea that you need to eliminate is assuming that going out more will get you many more dates. This is absolutely wrong. Please let me explain.
Leaving your house will not get you more dates, okay? What needs to happen is having more strategies in the world of love.
Examples of dating strategies:
- Visiting places where you can meet new Well, it’s easy to go to your best friend’s apartment for a drink with 3 other friends, but you probably won’t meet anyone new there. So, you should go to a cocktail bar where your co-worker is having a birthday party – you will probably meet your co-worker’s cousin who is exactly someone you are attracted to!
- Taking calculated risks. When you go to the cocktail bar for your co-worker’s birthday party, remember to interact with people that you do not know, e.g. your co-worker’s cousin, neighbor, etc. Do not latch on to someone you already know at the party.
Why you need to have single friends:
Let’s say you only have married friends or coupled-up friends in your social circle. It’s not good for your dating life. Let me explain.
I know that your coupled-up friends and married friends don’t have any bad intentions, but these individuals usually have no interest in meeting new people. So, when you hang out with them, it’s harder for you to meet new people.
Therefore, if your free time is filled with activities such as having dinner with your coupled-up/married friends and watching TV with your parents, you have to make some new decisions now. It’s time to have more single friends.
The more you join others’ social circles, the more likely you will meet wonderful people. Do not wait for opportunities to come; create opportunities in your calendar and take action today.
I would argue that when you have this mindset, your love life and your career will both improve because you will get exposed to a lot of new people who will probably bring you unexpected opportunities in many ways.
Most people only do something different when they feel inspired. But I think the opposite is true: You take action first, and then you find inspiration as a result.
In reality, most people do not feel inspired all the time. So, you would be well-advised to accomplish something by pushing through a lack of inspiration at the beginning. Even if you are stuck, you can still take action and then get inspired!
Don’t wait until you are in the mood for something because that feeling is overrated. Having doubt is very normal and unavoidable. Thus, you simply need to accept the uncertainty and take action anyway. Learn to embrace doubt and absence of inspiration, and then you will not obsess about your emotions – that’s how you make great things happen.
Hence, next time when you meet an elegant lady who seems to be too hot for you, say this to yourself, “I will try my best, even though it may not work out in the end.” Sometimes, dating is feeling stuck and thinking, “How can I overcome this challenge?” Being a leader is about making big decisions even without knowing the outcome.
Why you shouldn’t fall in love with someone too quickly:
Simply following your heart isn’t enough in dating and relationships because this is the real world – love is supposed to grow from a foundation of genuine connection, mutual respect and caring behavior.
Learn how to be alone – this will make you feel self-fulfilled. You need to have a satisfying career and high-value friends when you are single. That’s how you eliminate neediness in dating & relationships in the first place.
“Eliminate the scarcity mindset and your love life will be better.”